Daydreaming ...

What's wrong with it? I do it way too often; it just comes so naturally to me. But I do feel like it can be damaging. Whether it's a case of simply wasting time, or not having my mind on "whatever is pure ... noble ... true ... right ... lovely ... admirable ... excellent or praiseworthy." It is often very clear what thoughts are damaging, but when I have so much time alone (especially now that my two main buddies down here are either gone or otherwise occupied) my mind can come up with all sorts of stuff - thoughts or scenarios that transport me to another place.

Something subtle that I have noticed is that too much daydreaming about possible future events can leave me with a false sense of security, or, rather, a presumption about the yet-to-come that makes me feel like I'm totally aware of what the future holds. It's hard not to do this while I'm sitting around making plans for my Africa trip and researching graduate schools for next year. I start to see myself in those places, interacting with people that I don't yet know and imagining what I will learn and what I will do. Really, this has nothing to do with reality, what the future actually will bring.

So these thoughts are something to be brushed aside. I just wonder... if I don't intentionally extract them, or push them away, will they leave a residue, enough of a presumption that will surprise me while I'm actually in Africa, or perhaps studying for a Masters next year, so that when I'm met with new circumstances I will say, Wait, this isn't what was supposed to happen! Will my building of expectations now make me less ready to take on the twists and surprises that life does bring and will bring each day of my trip and beyond?

I don't want my ability to respond on the spot to be deadened by these mental journeys of mine. I am harkening back to last summer, when I went to Chennai for my first missions trip. I thought that I left California with no set expectations - that I was a clean slate so to speak, but was I wrong! I was paralyzed most of the time because I had imagined such different things from myself and the people our team served.

Maybe this has to do with truly relying on God, instead of relying on the weak plans and ideas I come up with. Daydreaming to an extent seems inescapable, but the underlying issue is this: Am I fostering in my relationship with Christ a deep, unshakable trust in His will, in His plans.