One night of the conference, I became aware of a division I felt within myself. It is a horrible feeling, and I believe I've carried it around for awhile now. I felt divided against myself. Jesus talks about this not making any sense, "a divided house cannot stand" (Mark 3:25). Dueling allegiances, inabilities to choose... they are paralyzing. As I received this word, I sensed some freedom... if I know the cause of some of my pain, then I can reach towards the solution; in this case it's: proclamation, speaking, decision.
(See my latest Philly blog post here.)
Here is where I begin my little tribute to David Wilcox. Last week I re-listened to an album of his that I have a special affinity for. One song that I was so happy to hear starts this way:
its the choice of a lifetime, i'm almost sure. i will not live my life in between anymore. if i can't be certain of all thats in store, this far it feels so right.
so i will hold it up to the light.
And he continues:
i felt dead with deciding, afraid to choose, cause i was mourning the loss of those choices I'd lose. but there's no choice at all if i don't make my move, and just trust that the timing is right. yes and hold it up to the light.
When we know that God has spoken, let's not be "dead with deciding." Let us act; let us speak.
David Wilcox - Hold It Up To The Light
